When to End a Friendship (Part 4)

So if you’re a non-confrontational person like me, you know how stressful it is when you need to bring up an issue with someone. When you overthink things and have conversations with the person in your head. When you think about all the possible outcomes of the situation and constantly waffle between whether or not you should even say something.

I know it depends on the situation, and there are times when you should for sure not say something. But if you do decide to say something, it can be so cathartic.

When I sent that email to my friend, I was nervous. [See yesterday’s post for context if you’re confused]. She’s a very reasonable person, but you never really know how someone is going to react when you call them out on something. A lot of people would likely react poorly, and then you’re back to overthinking things and deciding what to do next.

But my friend responded to my email and thanked me for letting her know how I felt. She said she thought she had been making more of an effort lately, but maybe we needed to try and change up our communication and set some dates further in advance so we can plan our lives around them.

So some real dialogue came out of it all. And while things may improve for a while, odds are good that things will relapse eventually. I have been friends with this girl for almost thirty years after all… What’s the saying? A leopard can’t change is spots? But at least my feelings are out there, and they’ve been acknowledged. And there’s a bit of groundwork and history for future conversations.

But most of all, even if nothing changes all that much, I’m no longer carrying around the “should I shouldn’t I” conversation and I can let go of some of my resentment. I showed myself respect by voicing my needs and I no longer need to carry around this burden of doubt. I feel lighter. And if that’s the only real outcome that comes from having sent that email, that is good enough for now.

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